David Burge, also known as IowaHawk, wrote a great post for Big Hollywood in which he takes on the film establishment for the preachy tone of its movies. Unlike most others who criticize Hollywood’s rather obvious liberal bias, IowaHawk does so in a brilliantly entertaining way (h/t to Jules Crittenden for the link).

IowaHawk writes:

As a professional filmmaker, I have to say I was as stunned as you when I read that the film industry suffered through another lackluster box office year in 2008. The chief reasons for this appear to be the economy and Internet pirates, or possibly that Raisinette ebola scare. Whatever the cause it’s safe to say that it had nothing to do with the screen product, because 2008 was also a landmark year for the kind of ponderous, preachy, high-quality cinema that Americans from Santa Monica to Silverlake are clamoring for. Don’t take my word for it — just look at the record 5,362 awards Hollywood earned from itself last year, up nearly 35% from 2003. Suck on that, stupid box office!

Thankfully, however, Hollywood’s nagging box office troubles are finally a thing of the past now that President-Elect Obama is busily healing the economy and the MPAA’s 6th Fleet is bombarding the movie pirates off the Barbary Coast. It’s finally safe for America to return to the local octoplex and enjoy the rich $10 cinematic experience they’ve been avoiding for the past year. Just look at some of the promising releases in store for 2009:

Incident at Amity: Steven Spielberg directs this cerebral CGI-heavy remake of ‘Jaws’ slated for summer release. Insiders say the 34-year update will feature “additional points of view” and “be less judgmental about sharks.” Starring Willam H. Macy as the anti-shark fundamentalist, and Russell Crowe as the Great White.

Silenced Wood: George Clooney stars and directs in this drama about the climate of fear among liberal ventriloquists during radio’s notorious Charlie McCarthy era.

Hershey Highway: Based on the Tony Kushner play, a candy factory worker (Joaquin Seymour Gyllenhall) and an Amish teen (John Phillips Sousa Huffnagel) find forbidden pleasure in a poignant love tale set against the gritty backdrop of Pennsylvania’s chocolate belt.

Me Billy: Based on the inspirational true story of a learning disabled man (Sean Penn) who rescues New Orleans from a racist flood with a magical red beer cup.

I somehow fear that Hollywood actually plans to produce some of the movies described by IowaHawk or that they were not but that he has given them ideas.

By far the funniest post published at Big Hollywood thus far. Couldn’t stop laughing for well over 15 minutes.